Therapy Myth Busters

By Amy Burnside, LCSW

            What will people think if I see a therapist? Will they think I’m weak?  Will I be judged?  What am I supposed to say to the therapist when I get there?  If these are some of the questions or concerns you have you are not alone. I have heard these concerns, and others, from friends and from clients.  In this blog I will address some common myths I’ve heard and help to debunk them.  I would also encourage you to read the blog titled Finding the Right Therapist.

Common Myths/Concerns/Beliefs

1.     You are paying someone to listen to your problems.

2.     The therapist will judge me.

3.     I am weak if I need to go to therapy.

4.     Therapy is for people who are mentally ill. I don’t think I have a mental illness.

5.     I don’t want to dig up stuff from my childhood.

6.     The bad or difficult things that have happened to me are in the past. Talking about it isn’t going to help.

7.     I have been to therapy before. It didn’t help.

8.     No one understands. The therapist is not going to be able to relate to me and my circumstances/symptoms.

Debunking the Myth that Therapists are Paid Friends

Therapists are trained professionals with advanced degrees.  They have either a master’s degree or a doctorate degree and have passed one, sometimes two, state board exams to earn their license. Additionally, they must complete 1600 clinical hours, 1600 educational hours, and 100 hours of consultation with a certified clinical supervisor before they are granted their license to practice independently. Additionally, they need a minimum of 30 continuing education requirements every two years in order to maintain their license and most therapists far exceed that requirement.  Then, depending on their area of specialty, they will have spent months and, sometimes, years earning their specialty certifications whether that be focusing on trauma, addiction, eating disorders, autism, personality disorders, or ADHD, just to name a few. 

A therapist doesn’t just listen to your problems.  A therapist spends time collecting your history from your childhood to the present time, discusses your symptoms, collaborates with you to identify goals for treatment, and then explains to you their treatment style as well as which evidence-based treatment modalities he/she will use to help you reach your goals. These modalities may include traditional talk therapy such as Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), or Solution-Focused Therapy or they may include trauma and body-based psychotherapy modalities such as EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic Experiencing, or Sensorimotor Therapy, just to name a few. Additionally, I like to remind my clients that therapists are just people.  Therapists go through challenges in their lives just like everyone else. The therapist may not struggle with the same thing you may be struggling with, but she is likely to have other things that challenge her or she may have things she, too, has had to work out with a therapist.  What makes therapists different is that they have specialized training which helps them to identify root causes to your symptoms and deliver treatment just like a medical doctor, physical therapist, or chiropractor might, but they still have emotions, deal with conflict in relationships, and have stress in their lives, as well.

Myth:  If I go to therapy, that means I’m weak.

Myth:  The therapist will judge me.  

Having the courage to go to therapy, to me, means you are kind of a bad ass and not weak. It means you are willing to do the hard work, be honest, be vulnerable, make a commitment, and become a better human being both for yourself, for your relationships, and for society.  That makes you powerful!  It will take time for you to get comfortable in your relationship with your therapist. For some, the connection is quick and trust is built in the first or second session, but for many it takes a bit of time and that’s ok.  Don’t worry. Therapists understand that it’s a process and that it will take time. I personally, have no expectation of how quickly or slowly a client opens up.  We have a saying in our field, “meet the client where they’re at.”  Your session is about you, not about me, so I will meet you wherever you are in your journey and I will work to earn your trust, at your pace, so that you can feel safe in our relationship.  If a therapist doesn’t make you feel safe after a few sessions, then consider stopping and finding someone else.

Myth: Therapy is for people who are mentally ill. I do not I have a mental illness.

Mental illness can be categorized in so many ways. I prefer to talk about mental health rather than mental illness and focus on the challenges each individual may be having with balancing mental well-being.  With mental health someone may be dealing with symptoms of psychosis such as with schizophrenia, or they may be dealing with mood dysregulation such a with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, or they may have challenges with feeling anxious, having low self-worth, or feeling low or down and depressed.  All of these conditions have a root cause and can benefit from treatment.  When we have a physical illness we sometimes need help from someone with a specialized degree and training. Rarely, do we question ourselves when we choose to see a doctor for a broken bone, asthma, strep throat, or cancer so, be kind to yourself, and reach out if you are needing help with your mental well-being.

I don’t want to talk about my childhood!  How will that help?

Some of us had great childhoods, some not so great, and some cannot remember much from their childhood. I get it. Some people don’t want to go there, and they don’t see the point of talking about their past. It can be hard, but it can also be very helpful and quite transformative.  We are ALL influenced by the type of family system in which we were raised. Like any system, every component or person in a system is influenced by other components and people within the system. As children we are vulnerable by nature and we must adapt to function within our family unit. These behavioral adaptations are necessary for our survival and often serve us very well for awhile, but then later in life, when we no longer need that behavior, it can become problematic.  In the type of therapy I do, EMDR and IFS, we work on identifying these adaptive behaviors, negative beliefs and fears, and we work to heal the wounds that have developed as a result. I may also teach you DBT skills to help with the day-to-day challenges while we work on healing the root cause of your symptoms, which will lead to more long term relief.  More about these two therapies can be found by reading about them on my website (EMDR and IFS and DBT Skills).

Myth – I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t work.          

If you’ve tried therapy in the past and it didn’t work or you didn’t connect with the therapist it doesn’t mean therapy isn’t right for you.  It may mean that the therapist wasn’t a good fit for you. Maybe there was a personality conflict, maybe your saw one gender and you would prefer a different gender, maybe the therapist wasn’t trained in a type of therapy that worked for you or in a type that you needed. It’s also possible that you just weren’t ready to start therapy. These are just a few reasons why your therapy may not have gone well or didn’t work, but don’t give up.  Most of us offer free, 15 minute phone consultations so clients can get a feel for our style and the first session or two is focused mostly on getting to know one another, learning about your story, and learning about what you want to accomplish. I also like to spend a few minutes during the first session explaining the different types of therapies I am trained in and which one(s) I believe will be best suited for the client and explain why.

I’m happy to help

I would be happy to answer any questions you have. You can leave them for me below this blog in the comments section, comment on the social media page, or email me at amy@bebalancedcounselng.com.  As a reminder, check out the blog titled, Finding the Right Therapist.

Things for you to think about

• What are the obstacles getting in the way from you moving forward with therapy?

• What thoughts or beliefs do you have about therapy that may not be true?

• What are some other topics you’d like to read more about?

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