Breaking Down the Mental Health Confusion
Feeling Emotionally Unbalanced or Unwell
Mental health refers to our emotional and psychological state, our social well–being, and how we feel about ourselves and interact with others. Mental health is not the same as mental illness, although poor mental health can lead to both mental and physical illnesses if not addressed.
Being mentally healthy or feeling emotionally balanced is influenced by many factors. Some feel that emotional well-being is about grit, resilience, being tough, avoiding emotions, avoiding conflict, focusing on the positive, and “getting over things from your past”. However, our emotional and mental states are influenced by a variety of factors including life experiences (across the life span beginning in the womb), trauma (more on this later and what I mean by trauma), past abuse, family history of mental health problems, relationships with others, physical health and one’s environment. Just as people may experience physical health problems over the course of their lives, they may also experience emotional or mental health problems that affect their thinking, mood, and behaviors.
When you feel physically unwell or in pain do you hide it? Do you feel shame and guilt because you have a cold, the flu, a headache, or a broken leg? Do you hide from friends, family, co-workers when you are not feeling well and make up a story to hide that you are going to physical therapy, having surgery, or seeing your primary care doctor because you might have strep throat? Some may, but most do not. In fact, many write posts about it on social media, wanting others to know so they can receive support or understanding. Why is it that when we are feeling anxious, worried, stressed, lonely, depressed, insecure, disconnected, scared, and impulsive do many of us suffer in silence, pretending we are ok, afraid to share, and to get help? Why do we judge ourselves as weak, weird, not good enough, or minimize our experiences by comparing ourselves to others? We do this because we think WE are the problem, WE are flawed, and WE need to “just get over it.”
Over the next several weeks I am going to help you to get started with finding help, getting comfortable with your emotions, and learning that it is ok to ask for help and share with others. Some of you may already be on this journey, which is wonderful, and you can be a tremendous source of support for those that are new to this by encouraging them and sharing about your experiences in the comments section. Remember, my number one goal in writing this blog is to create a more balanced community and we can only have community if we share. Lastly, it is ok to share your thoughts and questions anonymously. It is up to you and your comfort level.
Mental Illness
Mental illness is not something a person can “just overcome with willpower.” It will likely need a multi-dimensional approach. Mental Illness can be caused by biological factors such as genes or brain chemistry, trauma and abuse, and family history of mental illness.
The major mental illnesses include:
Depression
There is a difference between major depressive disorder (MDD) and occasional feelings of sadness, lack of motivation, and feeling low. More on that later.
Anxiety
Just like depression, there are differences between General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and feeling anxious in certain situations and general feelings of worry.
Mood disorder, including bipolar I and bipolar II
Personality disorders (borderline personality disorder, narcissistic, histrionic, etc.)
Trauma disorders
(You don’t’ have to have a PTSD diagnosis to have trauma reactions. Also, trauma is any negative experience from your past that was too much for your nervous system to handle). I will discuss this in detail in future blogs.
Addictive behaviors
Mental illness may require medication, but not always, and will, almost always, require specialized therapy interventions and modalities. There are a wide variety of therapy interventions that are evidenced-based and include FAR more than “talking about your problems”. These include, but are not limited to EMDR, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Brain Spotting, Sensorimotor, CBT, DBT, Solution-Focused, Art Therapy, Play Therapy. More on the various types of therapy interventions in future blogs.
Learning to Get Comfortable with Discomfort
So, this is a big ask and rather scary, for some, and it will take practice, trust me. The first step is to acknowledge that you do not feel emotionally or mentally balanced and see if you can name the emotion. Many of us grew up in households in which we did not learn to name our emotions or learn to talk about them. Before we can talk about emotions, balance them, and get help we need to be able to name the emotion we are feeling. Emotions are one word (anger, fear, happy, lonely, proud, scared, excited, nervous, overwhelmed, ambivalent, curious, etc.) Feelings are different than thoughts so be careful not to confuse them. Additionally, feelings are not FACTS. We all have them. They just are and we do not have to act on them (really, we don’t). For now, just practice getting to know your emotions and labeling them. You might even say to yourself, “I notice I am having the feeling of insert emotion”. There are many helpful graphics online that can help if you are struggling to know what the names of emotions are. Simple google “naming emotions”. Also, I found this great article in the New York Times. Check it out. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/04/business/dealbook/the-importance-of-naming-your-emotions.html.
My Personal Experience in Therapy
You may wonder if I go to therapy or if other therapists have therapists themselves. The answer to both is “yes”! Most of my colleagues and friends who are therapist either go regularly or have at some point. I learned early on from my clinical supervisors that I should not expect a client to be vulnerable and open up or do anything that I am not willing to do, and have done, myself.
The first time I reached out to a therapist was a few months before my wedding. I was 26 years old. I was feeling anxiety about my life changing so I reached out. I had no idea what I was doing, how to find someone, or what to expect. It was kind of scary. My experience was short lived. I did not go for long, but it was helpful with what I needed at that time. The next time I reached out was a few years after having my second child, probably about 8 years later, mid-30s. More life changes were happening, and I needed to explore some other things about myself. This experience was helpful although, ultimately, I decided it was not the right therapist for me, so I stopped. Then, several years later, after completing graduate school and having dealt with a lot of medical trauma, I sought help again. This time I was in my early 40s and I knew I needed a particular type of therapy. This episode of therapy lasted about 2 years and was highly successful. I only knew, however, that I needed something specific because I now had training and had become a therapist myself. The type of therapy I did is called EMDR https://www.emdria.org/ and it is a therapy modality that I am now trained and certified in and use all the time with clients.
It can be overwhelming trying to find someone and it can be intimidating as well. I am hoping I can make that process a little easier for you if you so desire. Over the next several weeks I am going to continue to share more information about this topic as well as continue to share things you can do or learn about that do not require going to therapy
Challenge for the week.
At least once per day try to notice how you are feeling and NAME the emotion. Notice any responses you have and see what you notice by the end of the week.
Engage with me and with this community we are building.
Can you tell just one person how you are feeling? It can be a friend, a loved one, your pet, your journal, or me, in the comment sections (anonymity is ok here).
Let us know what you “notice” as you try to do this exercise. I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.
Next Week
Next week I will discuss tips and suggestions on how to find help and to begin your journey of finding more mental, emotional, social, and psychological balance.
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